I pulled the Princess of Cups as my Card of the day from the Tarot of Dreams.

This archetypal energy represents vulnerability and receptivity. It's a representation of the emotional lessons life brings us in both new and old spaces. The space often opens up when old patterns are brought to light through new relationships. Layers of defenses are peeled away when we engage with someone new who is blissfully aware of the little games we play to hide our hurts, fears and scars. We are left naked and vulnerable... exposed... we are forced to see ourselves... to feel those emotions we thought we had tucked away permanently.

The space also opens up when a relationship comes to end... when we have to ask ourselves 'What went wrong?'.

Naturally, this card also brings new joyful expressions of emotion, but that's not the growing space... in my experience the growing space is always painful.

I pulled this card today because I have many uncried tears... the pain this year has been unbearable and so I have resisted the expression until I've not been able to resist any more... saving it up...

So I do what I need to do. I sit with it and wait for release... I'm afraid... Will I survive the release this time? What will remain on the other side? I'm afraid to breathe deeply because the tears have lodged themselves between my ribs...

The painful space shifted yesterday. Not by doing, but by grace. Thank you, God.

My heart opens up like a flower to the sun on a bright and sunny morning.

The dark clouds are gone... three rainbows appear... larger than normal and without any rain preceeding them... They were my miracle yesterday... as was our new family member Myrra, a 5 month old kitten... as were the prayers and loving support of my dear friends alder and Jae.

And so it becomes clear that grace flows from everywhere and that I have to do nothing for it to start pouring through me...

The energies were swirling and dancing in my crown chakra all day yesterday. I can still feel them today off and on...

A parasite that had been suffocating me for as long as I can remember was fluhed out... It had a whiny voice that kept telling me that I wasn't good enough to be loved for who I am... Every time I would step out to become more self-sufficient it would growl 'You'll never make it on your own! You are weak and worthless...' It's elongated black slimy shape wrapped itself around my rib cage. This parasite got fatter and fatter as the years went by and it fed on my fear. My ego needed the parasite like it needed me... some kind of sick symbiosis...

Then yesterday, coil upon coil of slimy suffocating darkness lost its grip and fell away, leaving me liberated... free to choose... to truly choose for the first time... Because when you feel needy you can't really choose... you rely on co-depency patterns.

I sat on the bus on my way in to Richmond when I felt the shift. It was as unexpected as it was expansively liberating... I felt like giggling... In fact, I think I may have done like some kind of lunatic... or like someone in love...

Yes, love has come into my life, but until yesterday it brought more fear and pain than joy... Not how it's supposed to be, is it? All the times I've run away... all those spaces done with... sweet release...

Yesterday I was dressed in white. God lifted my veil and kissed me passionately.

Peace.